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As timewent by at the commune, I found the courage to ask Father Providenceabout his daughters. They did not look like him or his wife. Theirraces varied. They were black and white. The Father explained to methat they were not his biological daughters. He was chaste as were allof his followers. He and his wife had never known each other's touch. Isobbed and told the father that I had fornicated with my wife.He counseled me and gave me pills to control my unwholesome urges.Within a few short weeks, they started to work. I no longer found mywife sexually attractive and instead was able to treat her like aperson as the Father said I should. My wife didn't understand at first,so I sent her to see the Father. She came back a changed woman.She decided then that she would confront her unnatural urges then andthere. She made me strip. She saw my shriveled testicles and penis thatstruggled to get hard in her grip. "It's like you never went throughpuberty," my wife said.I nodded. I was ashamed. There was a never spoken, but very much shown, disdain for women, and the only purpose of a woman was to be at the beck and call of the man. I just didn’t get it, because I somehow grew up believing in every person’s equal value and equal rights. I’m still surprised that I kept that naivety going all those years. Instead of accepting the beliefs of the rest of my family, I tried my very best to get my father’s attention, to show him that I was as good as, in some ways even better, than my brother. I wanted, no, I needed my father’s attention and appreciation. I worked hard in school, excelled at almost everything, from an early age. I taught myself to read just before my fifth birthday. Math, science, languages, I sucked up everything, every day I learnt something new was – and still is – a good day. I was good at sports, arts, music, everything…’ She stopped talking and laughed softly whilst shaking her head. ‘Well I was good at everything except writing stories, I just wasn’t good.
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